Eight months later and look at me now!
Back in December I had just smoked a little, and I was talking to Jakey, who was absolutely adorable. I had Sidney too (the german) who was less than adorable, but my pick over Jake for some odd reason.
I hold no discretion over my tumblr, so here I go.
Basically since December I’ve had sex with…six guys. SIX. I’m looking for love in all the wrong places. I keep trying to find someone who will care, but unfortunately, they just use me for what I’m worth, a nice hole to dump their load in.
I turned into a chronic smoker, which Caitlin a year ago would have absolutely kicked in the teeth if she knew herself now. I started drinking like an alcoholic and cutting more and more too.
Essentially I’ve fallen from low, to even lower than I thought I could ever be, and I truly think I’ve had a nervous breakdown over these past few months. I’m not the person I ever wanted or ever thought I could turn out to be.
I have about two friends, Ashley and Bridget, I trust them with my life. They’re the best girls I could ask for even though theyre both nutty as fruitcakes :)
I think I have to work on my life when I leave for college, maybe find a boy that will actually give a fuck about me and not just find me as something they can get their D wet over. Cause that shit sucks. It hurts bad.
I’m pretty sure the worst of all was this boy Gabe though. He was a sweetheart, and he fed me sweet nothings like telling me I was beautiful and telling me how special he thought I was… I believed him, I gave it up, and he never spoke to me. I guess when people think you’re a slut that’s all they’ll really use you for is sex.
Really….truly…I just want to be content with the life i’m living. right now, I’m not. I’m hoping someday it will happen.